Therapy For People Pleasing
Can’t say no without feeling like a terrible person? My name is Rebecca Stambridge and I offer practical, down to earth therapy to help you have healthy boundaries, care less what people think and live for you.
Does this sound like you?
- You find it hard to say no without worrying people will judge you for it and you'll lose people.
- You feel overwhelmed and resentful. You know something needs to change but no idea how to put in boundaries.
- You feel responsible for everyone emotions and your needs are at the bottom of the pile.
- You feel anxious at the thought someone may disapprove, dislike or be mad at you.
- You don't know how to be yourself because you're trying to be what everyone wants you to be
Would you like to...
say no without spiralling with anxiety and guilt.
Would you like to....
put in boundaries so that you can prioritise your needs
Would you like to....
live authentically without fear of disapproval
What is people pleasing and what causes it?
People pleasing means living as if other people’s needs, comfort and approval is more important that your own. It tends to stem from a fear of rejection and often shows up as an inability to say no and have boundaries.
However, there can also be more subtle signs of people pleasing such as worrying what people think, putting yourself under pressure at work, overthinking social interactions and always feeling guilty.
Left unchecked it causes anxiety and stress but can also harm, not help, relationships such as in friendships, family and work. This is because it can make you feel resentful and it sets up unhealthy dynamics that can feel hard to change.
Childhood experiences tend to cause people pleasing patterns. You may have grown up in a household feeling responsible for people emotions or feeling that being loved was conditional on behaving a certain way. On the other hand having critical or unavailable parents can also leave a legacy where a person does not feel good enough, so needs to please others to feel loved.
"I worked with Rebecca because I was struggling to put in bounderies at home and feeling overwhelmed and resentful. Rebecca helped me understand how much my early childhood was influencing in current relationships. It took a while, but eventually I realised that my needs were important and was able to process past events. My self worth has improved massively and I prioritise my self care too so I can mantain my mental health."
Nadia S
People Pleasing Client
The hidden cost of people pleasing
People pleasing may not seem like a serious problem as it can appear you’re just being kind or hard working. But its often often the cause of a wide range of mental health problems such as stress and anxiety as well as lead to relationship breakdown.
For example, putting other people’s needs above your own and feeling anxious about letting others down creates extra stress in all areas of life, impacting on sleep and overall wellbeing. Constantly living with a fear or disapproval leads to an increase in overthinking and chronic anxiety. Not expressing yourself creates resentment which, in the long term, can actually harm close relationships.
How therapy for people pleasing can help
Struggling to say no or caring what people think is not a sign of weakness. It’s a behaviour you developed in childhood to feel safe and accepted. Together we’ll explore key events and relationships in your past which are shaping your present and use evidence based techniques, you can implement in daily life, to help you create a different future – one that works for you.
ACT/Mindfulness: To help you become more aware of, and learn to relate differently to, unhelpful thoughts and feelings. This helps you be more present, reduce overthinking and make choices based on your deepest values.
Compassion Focussed Therapy Combines the latest research into neuroscience, attachment theory, somatic practices and mindfulness to create a powerful psychological intervention to reduce self-criticism and shame .
CBT: Helps you understand how specific thoughts cause your feelings that drive people pleasing behavior. You’ll learn how to develop different perspectives and take practical steps to change behaviour.
EMDR: A highly effective a widely used intervetion, recommended by WHO and NICE, to process traumatic past events and let go of limiting beliefs.
"I thought it was normal to feel responsible for everyone's emotions and that this made me a good person. But with Rebecca's gentle and compassionate challenges, I was able to realise that it wasn't healthy and was in fact harming my relationships. We worked on a deep level to understand my core beliefs but also learnt practical tools to safely make the changes I needed. My connections at work and home have improved and I also feel much calmer in daily life"
Sam
People pleasing/work stress client
How much is therapy for people pleasing?
My sessions are £80 for 50 mins. The cost also includes weekly emails with information and resources, including my own guided meditations, to help you work on yourself in between sessions.
How Long Will Therapy For People Pleasing Take?
Its very hard to say how long therapy will take as it differs from person to person. Therapy for people pleasing is not a quick fix and it can take time to build a relationship, understand your past experiences and then put the new tools into practice. It is therefore usually a long term commitment and committing to at least 12-16 sessions is a good idea.
When and where are sessions?
I offer therapy online or in Glossop so location is not an issue.
I work Tuesday to Thursday 10am-4pm and offer consultations on Mondays.
I offer regular sessions to clients either weekly or fortnightly.
My blogs on Low Self Esteem and how it affects friendships
About Me: I can help because I've been there.
I am a fully qualified BACP registered therapist and mindful self compassion teacher.
In the past, I wouldn’t have called myself a people pleaser because I thought it was just about saying no. But for most of my life I’ve cared so much what people thought, and felt responsible for peoples emotions, that it held me back from living the life I wanted.
When I discovered techniques to improve self worth and care less what people thought, it inspired me to train as a therapist because I know how liberating it can feel.
For more information about my work experience and training see “about me” section.