It may surprise you to hear, but my wellbeing was at its worse when I worked for a mental health charity. It wasn’t because I didn’t like my job (I loved it!) but because funding was so low and staff so short we were all overworked.
So I spent all day trying to do the work of 3 people. I had clients to support, volunteers to recruit and deadlines to meet. I felt an intense pressure to get it all done on time and not let people down. Although that was an impossible task to achieve and still beat myself up if I struggled.
Even though I could not wait to get home after a busy day, I found it hard to focus on my kids. My head was still full of work thoughts so I snapped when they wanted me to play.
My husband would get his head bitten off for asking a “silly question” and could never get a good nights sleep.
Which made everything sooo much harder to deal with.
Why do we take work stress home?
I know now that when we are in the throws of a stressful situation (too much work, difficult staff issues or other worries) our body interprets this as a threat.
When we see a threat we automatically go into fight and flight mode. This means we produce certain chemicals such as cortisal and adrenaline which are designed to protect us against danger. These chemicals make our heart beat faster, our breath shallow and our muscles tense which in turn changes our behaviour. We rush around, get irritible and can’t switch our brains off which unfortunately increases the stress chemicals causing it in the first place. All this equals a vicious cycle which can be very hard to break.
And even though we may know we are at home, our body doesn’t as it is still holding all that tension from work.
I learnt that the key to managing this is to get better at knowing when the stress was in my body and actively working to let it go. This disrupted that tricky vicious cycle and meant I arrived at home feeling calmer and happier.
The best tool I found for developing body awareness was mindfulness, which is a skill we can develop to increase our awareness and acceptance of the present moment.
Mindfulness is one of those techniques that many people are put off by because they assume it involves meditation or following Buddhism. In fact it is recommended by the NHS to improve our mental healh and can be easily done in our every day life, without finding extra time to meditate.
How can mindfulness help me keep work stress away from home?
Ideally, mindfulness is learnt through a course or 1-1 teacher but anyone can get started using a few simple practices.
Mindful Pause: This means making an effort to pause briefly at regular times through the day to check for signs of stress in the body. You then actively try to release that tension such as dropping your shoulders, loosening your jaw or taking some deep breaths. If you combine this with a routine activity such as having a morning or afternoon brew you are more likely to remember it and stop stress building through the day.
Soothing Breath: If you notice, perhaps through a mindful pause, that you are feeling very stressed or anxious at work then knowing how to calm yourself through breathing techniques is really useful as it reduces the “fight and flight” response. There are lots of different breathing techniques but an example is the “soothing breath” and involves breathing in for 5 seconds, holding for 5 seconds, breathing out for 5 seconds and holding for 5 seconds. Repeat this for about 2-3 minutes either through the day or at the end and you are much more likely to arrive at home feeling calmer.
Body Scan It can be a good habit to get into to do a full but brief body scan just after work but before you get home. This can be done, for example, on the train home, in the car or even in your home office just after logging off.
A body scan is a well used mindfulness practice where you move your attention from feet to head, very gradually noticing the physical sensations of each part of your body. It can have a very calming effect and another way of checking for signs of tension before you walk through your door. It often takes 30-60 mins but if you are short on time it can be done in 10-15 mins.
If you would like get support from a mindfulness teacher to help you manage stress please feel free to contact me to find out about my 1-1 mindfulness coaching services or next group online course.
