Do you worry what people think of you? Feel insecure in relationships? Perhaps beat yourself up over the slightest mistake and find it hard to say no. These are signs of low self esteem and if you recognise them you may wonder what you can do for yourself to increase it. As a self esteem therapist and mindfulness coach I firmly believe that mindfulness can improve self esteem and my blog will show you 5 ways.
What is mindfulness?
Mindfulness is a way of increasing your awareness in a non judgmental way of thoughts and feelings by paying more attention to the present moment. Its not about clearing your mind of thoughts but using anchors such as the body, breath or things in daily life to give space to the thoughts and feelings and get less caught up in them.
What are the signs of low self esteem?
Not feeling great about ourselves will change our behaviour but can affect people in different ways. For example, it can mean they lack confidence to go for a promotion or feel confident in work but struggle to feel secure in close relationships.
However, some common signs include:
- Being very self critical over small mistakes
- Putting pressure on yourself to do everything correctly (perfectionism)
- Comparing yourself to others
- Needing to achieve certain things in order to feel good about yourself.
- Wondering what people think of you
- Assuming people are judging you or have an bad opinion of you.
- Struggling in relationships because you do not feel loveable
- Struggling to say no to others for fear of letting people down
- Finding it hard to prioritise your needs
5 Ways Mindfulness Can Help Self Esteem
You might have heard about mindfulness in relation to reducing stress and anxiety so may be wondering how it can help self esteem. But in fact there are loads of ways mindfulness can really help you if you don’t feel great about yourself.
Recognise that thoughts are just thoughts
Self esteem is often fuelled by self critical thoughts or making assumptions about what other people think of us. We tend to believe these thoughts even though there may be no evidence of them. Mindfulnese can help you take a step back from unhelpful thoughts and a good way to try is the phrase “I am having a thought that…….” in front of your self critical thought
Stop negative thoughts from spiralling
We cannot avoid stressful moments in life but if we have low self esteem this moments can create negative though spirals which make us feel terrible and reduce self esteem further. For example, if you make a mistake at work you might then imagine all the ways your boss thinks you are bad at your job or remember other mistakes you have made. This will increase stress. Or if a friend does not reply to a text you might then imagine reasons why they don’t like you and question all your friendships which can create low mood.
When we practice mindful attention we are able to spot a thought popping up (as we will always have thoughts) but we can return our attention back to the present moment rather than letting it spiral.
Regulate stress and anxiety
Often people with low self esteem will experience symptoms of stress and anxiety. For example, you might put yourself under pressure to achieve more or might be worrying what people think of you and feel anxious. This releases hormones in the body which creates physical sensations that make us feel worse such as heart beating faster and muscles tense. These physical sensations then create more unhelpful thoughts which become a vicious cycle!
But mindfulness can help us notice the feelings in the body early so that we can release tension. By working directly with the body we regulate tension which can quiten our minds.
Makes self compassion easier.
There is lots of emerging evidence that self compassion is a very effective tool for self esteem bu helping us cultivate a kinder more accepting relationship with ourselves. But when we are caught up in unhelpful thoughts and feelings it can be hard to offer ourselves compassion. By using mindfulness to pause, take a step back from self critical thoughts we can then ask ourselves “what would I say to a friend?” or “what do I need to hear right now?”.
Allow us to make changes we need.
Often when we are struggling with self esteem we make decisions which can reinforce the feelings. For example, we might not put in bounderies with people or not go to a party due to anxiety. However, if we want to take steps towards a new life we might found ourselves overwhelmed with really strong uncomfortable feelings that keep us in our comfort zone (such as a feeling of dread in the chest).
Mindfuness can help you overcome this by cultivating an ability to accept, rather than avoid, difficult feelings. We learn to sit with them rather then needing to push them away. We also become more aware of how we feel about things because we are less caught up in thoughts to please others and mroe tuned into our own emotions moment to moment. Eventually this increase self awareness which is often lacking in people with low self esteem.
How can I start practicing Mindfulness
To learn mindfulness for self esteem it can be helpful to get an app or attend a course but you can also teach yourself by trying the following
- Pay more attention in everyday moments such as drinking tea or sounds of birds. Really tune into the fine detail. Every time your mind wander (which it will!) say “I am having a thought” and bring it back. You do not need to do this all day. Just pick an activity a few times a day for a few minutes.
- Start a regular mindfulness practice. Set aside 10 minutes at least 5 times a week to meditate. Maybe with an app or youtube practice at first. Use the breath of body as an anchor. Remember your mind will wander many times but just notice that with curiosity and bring your attention back.
- Mindful Pause. A couple a times a day, or when you are feeling stressed, pause for a few seconds. Focus your attention on something in the present moment like your feet on the floor and then bring attention to your body and breath. Are you holding tension? Is your breath shallow? What thoughts are you having that might be driving the stress? Release tension in the muscles and take a few deep breaths.
How can I get assistance to learn mindfulness for low self esteem?
I work 1-1 with clients who have low self esteem and help them incorporate mindfulness and self compassion into their daily life. Contact me to to access this or to find out about group training.
if you are interested in accessing my therapy services for self esteem visit my main page for more information.
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