Do you wonder if you have low self worth? Maybe things that other people seem to find easy (such as socialising) make you feel anxious? Or perhaps you’re confident on the outside but find relationships and friendships stressful? Do you struggle with depression or anxiety and never found a lasting solution? Low self worth can affect people in a really wide variety of ways and its not always obvious that’s the cause. This blog will explain 8 telltale signs of low self worth and what to do about it.
What is low self worth?
Low self worth means deep down not feeling good enough, worthy or loveable as a person and its not always linked to how you perceive your skills or qualities. For example, you might be aware you are funny because you make people laugh but still don’t feel loveable unless you do that all the time. Or you might be confident in the workplace and go for promotions because you believe in your abilities but don’t feel worthy unless you achieve them. On the other hand low self worth can also make you doubt your qualities and strengths and hold you back.
Having healthy self worth means that we feel valuable and worthy of love as a human being regardless of what we do and have. This is very helpful for resilience because even if we find stressful events hard or disappointing it won’t effect how we feel about ourselves.
Therefore having low self worth means judging our value and loveability based on external attributes. Its a human need to want to do well in life and fit in but if our self worth depends on it we can experience a lot of stress and unhappiness in life.
8 signs of low self worth .
You worry excessively what people think
If nobody cared what anybody thought that society might not function very well. We need to have a certain amount of concern for how we are perceived by others to fit in. But being excessively concerned means always worrying what poeple think as well as assuming you are being judged. Overly caring what people think is a sign of low self worth because if we feel good about ourselves in the first place we will be less concerned with the opinions of others. If we feel we have made a social error, having low it can also triggers feelings of shame which are very powerful and uncomfortable.
Always Pleasing Others
One of the biggest signs of low self worth is finding it hard to say no or seeking approval from other people. Again, if we have healthy self worth we will be less concerned with rejection because we will know we are a good person, even if sometimes others disapprove of our actions. But if we don’t feel good enough then the thought of someone disapproving of us can be very distressing. So we will go out of our way to make others happy and please them. There are actually lots of ways to people please and you can read more about it here.
Being a perfectionist
Being a perfectionist can often seem like a positive thing because it means you get things done or have attention to detail. But in reality feeling like you can never get things wrong or make a mistake is very stressful. At the route of fearing mistakes is low self worth because feeling good enough is dependant on outside sources i.e. always getting thing right. Having high standards is good, but if the thought of making any mistakes causes high anxiety then thats a strong sign of low self worth.
Insecure in friendships and relationships
If we have low self worth and don’t feel good enough we will be on high alert for rejection from others. We are therefore more likely to look for signs that people don’t love or value us which can make us misinterpret their actions. This can lead to difficulty in maintaing the relationships and friendships because we might withdraw or drive them away. Or we may feel too insecure to initiate friendships and relationships so hold ourslves and feel isolated.
Overthinking social interactions
As having low self worth means worrying what people think and fearing judgment we will be more anxious about socialising. Sometimes this can stop us going out but it can also mean overthinking social events afterwards. We may find ourselves lying in bed at night wondering how we came across and asking “why did I say that”? If your self worth is intact and you feel good enough you care less what people think have therefore do not need to overthink social interactions.
Being prone to work stress
Its common to want to do well at work as well as wanting to impress the boss. But if our worth is entirely linked to our acheivements then we can put too much pressure on ourselves to do well. We are therefore more likely to worry about making mistakes or working extra hard to meet impossible deadlines. We might find it hard to switch off at home and not feel able hard to ask for help which increases work stress and burnout. On the other hand we might hold ourselves back from work opportunities because of assuming we are not good enough.
You compare yourself to others and never feel good enough
If social media can plunge you into dispair because everyone else seems to have more friends, better social lives or great skin then thats another sign of low self worth. We cannot help it to a certain extent and “keeping up with the Joneses” has always been part of being human, even before facebook. But if we lack a basic sense of our own worth we will interpret everyone elses lives as better and either change ourselves to to keep up or think we are failing and give up.
Being indecisive and not knowing "who" you are
If we have spent our life pleasing others or trying to fit in because we don’t feel good enough then its likely we will feel removed from our own wants and needs. This can make it hard to know who we are and what we want. The longer this goes on we are more likely to please others and also increase our risk of depression and stress because of not being able to meet our own needs.
Experiencing depression and/or anxiety
Having low worth means you are more likely to be caught up in self criticial thinking which increases the risk of depression or worrying what people think which increases our risk of anxiety. Also, if we are cut off from ourselves then we are more likely to feel unhappy due to not living a life we want. One of the biggest signs of low self worth is struggling with your mental health.
What causes low self worth
Generally speaking early life experiences are likely to cause low self worth. For example, parents who found it hard to meet our needs or even loving ones who pushed us to do well can increase our need for external validation. However, we also live in a society where its easy to get messages that we are only good enough if we meet certain conditions. Such as competitive school environments or advertising and social media.
How to increase self worth
The good news is that, although low self worth can have deep roots from childhood, it can be changed. However, it can take time and a commitment to work on yourself. Seeking therapy, engaging in self help activities and also doing regular meditations are found to be effective for improving self worth. Read this blog to find out more.
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About me: My name is Rebecca Stambridge and I am a Compassion Focussed Therapist and mindfulness teacher specialising in low self worth and esteem, stress and anxiety. I run courses both online and face to face as well as a 1-1 private therapy practice. Use this form to let me know you’re interested in working with me.
