Low self worth is a very common problem and its not always obvious that we are affected by it. We might be stressed at work because we don’t like making mistakes or perhaps beat ourselves up when comparing ourselves to others. We might find relationships stressful because we feel insecure or constantly think we have to please others. It can take a while to realise that low self worth can be causing these difficulties and this blog will explain how to improve low self worth. To read more about the signs of low self worth click here.
What is self worth?
Self worth means having an innate sense of being good enough, worthy and loveable as a person regardless of what you do or have. It can very be hard to spot if our self worth is low because its not always linked to how we perceive our skills or qualities. For example, we can be confident on the outside because we are the life and soul of the party, but if we lie awake at night wondering what people thought of us we probably still lack self worth. Or you might be really successful in your career because you believe in your skills but are driven to achieve because its the only thing that makes you feel valuable. On the other hand low self worth can also make you doubt your qualities and strengths and hold you back.
Having healthy self worth means that we feel valuable and worthy of love as a human being regardless of what we do and have. This is very helpful for resilience because even if we find stressful events hard or disappointing it won’t effect how we feel about ourselves.
It may be very rare for a person to have 100% high self worth all the time because humans are designed to care what people think and we live in a society which feeds that. For example, people with money, good looks and are “popular” are celebrated in the media. However, having very low self worth is likely to impact on your personal and professional life or even cause mental health issues. The phrase low self worth often used interchangeably with low self esteem and there are lots of similarities. However, low self esteem is linked to how we feel about our overall qualities and skills whereas worth is linked to whether we feel fundamentally good enough as a person.
Generally speaking low self worth starts in childhood. We may have had parents who struggled to meet our needs due to their own challenges or were abusive and neglectful. Even parents that have provided a loving home but valued academic achievements, for example, can inadvertently provide a message that we are only worthy of love if we succeed at school. But its not just homelife. Society itself feeds us messages that certain types of people are celebrated for example, wealth, popularity and beauty. You can read more about what causes low self worth and low self esteem here.
9 steps to improve low self worth .
Recognition
The most important first step is acknowledging that you feel this way, not because you aren’t good enough or loveable, but because you have developed a belief that you aren’t. Beliefs are not facts and they can be changed. However, first its important to recognise that you will never feel good enough by relying on external validation and that this has to come from the inside. You can choose to love yourself and decide your opinion matters and that you are good enough. To improve self worth a new belief has been learnt and only you can change it.
Awareness
Using a journal or a thought diary reflect on the ways that low self worth impacts on your life. For example, do you seek approval for everything you do? Or do you worry what other people think and fear rejection? Do you put pressure on yourself to get everything right or take things personally in friendships? Doing a thorough inventory will help you notice when its happening in daily life
Challenge your assumptions
Low self worth means we will interpret the world around us in a way which fits that inner narrative. This means we will jump to conclusions about what people think of us an focus on our weaknesses rather then strenghts. To improve self worth, acknowledge that “your thoughts are not facts” and start to record them and generate alternative explanations. This can feel tricky at first as we often do not believe our new thoughts but over time we can develop more realistic thinking.
Daily affirmations.
When you notice feelings of low self worth are triggering stress in daily life, pause and offer a validation. This can be something like “I am noticing I am anxious because I am worried about rejection” but then say to yourself “But I know that I am loveable”.
Act as if you are already good enough
If we don’t feed good enough it will feed into many aspects of our behavour which can cause stress. This can depend on the person but common examples include worrying if you let people down, feeling unable to make decisions or not speaking up. If you are finding a situation stressful and suspect that low self worth is causing it then ask yourself “What would I do or how would I feel if I already felt good enough”. Whatever some up try to work towards that behavior.
Regulate your emotions
Experiencing low self worth means your fight and flight system will be triggered more easily and you are therefore more likely to experience stress and anxiety. Being in a constant state of “threat” means its harder to get perspective and offer yourself kindness. Learning tools to regularly ground yourself and practice deep breathing helps you activate your soothing system which help to cultivate self love and calm.
Practice mindfulness.
Mindfulness helps us to change our relationship with our thoughts and feelings. This is helpful because low self worth means being caught up in unhelpful, self critical thinking in response to events which reinforces how we feel about ourselves. Setting up a regular mindfulness practice is an act of self care and will also help to regulate your emotions long term. To read more about how mindfulness can help self esteem click here.
Cultviate self compassion
Self compassion means making a conscious effort to notice when you are struggling and treating yourself as a friend. Rather than being a soft option, its involves learning how to face your difficulties but offer yourself empathy and helpfulness rather than judgement. People who lack self compassion are much more likely to experience low self worth and there is now overwhelming evidence that it improves a variety of mental health problems. However, if you feel you struggle to do this then be aware that its a skill you can learn and practice.
Take up journaling
To improve your self worth is a long journey and following all the above steps may feel overwhelming. Research shows that writing can be very therapautic as it helps to clarify thoights, get perspective and generate new ones. Buy yourself a beautful journal and, even if you don’t write in it daily, regularly note how self worth has triggered difficult feelings but how you can reframe your experience.
Want to work with me?
I’m a fully qualified therapist and mindfulness coach specialising in anxiety and low self esteem. I offer practical, evidence based tools that worked for me.
If you’re interested in working with me to improve your self worth and feel more confident click below for a FREE 30 min consultation.
