You’ve got to the end of a chilled weekend. You needed to rest, so mostly spent it eating ice cream and watching netflix so feel rested and relaxed for work tomorrow. But then you log onto Instragram and your heart sinks. You see pics if your friends at a gig together and they all seem to so happy…and glamorous! You flick through other accounts and everyone seems to have had such an exciting time. Parties, weekends away, gigs. Suddenly you feel sooo boring. Is that what everyone will be thinking too? You look down at your ice cream stained PJs, reflect back on your “boring” weekend, which up until then you’d enjoyed, and are filled with self loathing. If this sounds familiar, its a common example of how social media can give us low self esteem and you’re not alone.
What is low self esteem?
Low self esteem means that a person has a low opinion of themselves for example, feeling there is something wrong with them or that they are not as good as others. It can mean lacking in confidence about their skills and abilities or feeling that they are only worthy of love if they behave in a certain way.
What are the signs of low self esteem?
Low self esteem can affect people in different ways. For example, it can mean they lack confidence in their skills to go for certain jobs or they may feel confident in those areas but feel they have to be good at things to feel loveable.
However, some common signs include:
- Being Self Critical and hard on yourself.
- Putting Pressure on yourself to do everything correctly (perfectionism)
- Comparing yourself to others and not feeling good enough.
- Wondering what people think of you.
- Assuming people are judging you or have an bad opinion of you.
- Struggling in relationships because you do not feel loveble
- Struggling to say no to others for fear of letting poeple down
- Finding it hard to prioritse your needs
How Can Social Media Cause Low Self Esteem?
it may surprise you to know that we have a part of our brain that is built to compare ourselves to other people. This is because, from a survival point of view, the more we “ranked” in our pack the more likely we were to survive. Looking over our shoulder to check whether we were fitter, stronger, had more social support and resources was an essential survival skill.
But not only that, to help us compete our brains would create a negative bias and then use that information to motivate us to achieve goals. Clever yes? Annoying…also yes!
Unfortanately, even though our very powerful, evolved brains are trying to protect us, we will get a skewed perception of the world but also feel worse because its programmed to be self critical. Therefore, one minute you are feeling fine about yourself, then you log on to Tik Tok, the comparing and critical part of the brain is triggered, next your self esteem is on the floor.
And although we all do this to some extent, some people are more prone that others and the reasons for that are usually because their self esteem is fragile in the first place.
What Causes Low Self Esteem?
If you are particularly prone to comparing on social media and then feeling awful about yourself, chances are you have had to experiences in life that have affected your self esteem. For example:
- Parents who were critical, abusive or emotionally distant
- Parents who put pressure on you to do well.
- Bullying at school or a competive pressured school environment
- Problems at work such as being bulled or losing your job
- Major life changes such as loss of a relationship or ill health.
How can I stop comparing myself on social media and improve low self esteem?
If you are aware that comparing yourself on social media is affecting how you feel about yourself then the following tips should help:
- Acknowledge that your “comparing” brain is in gear and that you cannot help feeling like this. Your brain is also focussing on aspects of peoples life that appear to be going better in order to motivate you
- Remind yourself that everyone posts unrealistic snapshots of themselves and what you see does not reflect the 95% of their real life i.e. the times when they stay at home in their PJs
- Reflect on your own social media account. What images do you share that don’t relfect reality and how would someone view your life. Remind yourself that is only what you are seeing of someone elses.
- Journal positive qualities, things you are grateful for and remind yourself of what you have done recently
- Work on self worth i.e. that regardless of how many friends you have or what you do at the weekend you are still good enough and worthy of love.
- Mindfulness helps us to give space to difficult thoughts and feelings. Often if we have low self esteem we will be caught up in ruminating with unhelpful, self critical thoughts which make us feel worse. Mindfulness can help you take a step back from them
How can I access help for low self esteem?
I offer therapy for low self esteem to help you reduce how much you compare yourself to others and improve self worth. You can visit my main page to find out more about this or contact me to arrange a free consultation.
