One of my first jobs in mental health was at a doctors teaching people self help tools. At first I was surprised that 9 out of 10 patients needed help for anxiety and it didn’t take me long to become became an expert in it. I now know that anxiety is so common because the human body is geared up for it. But what I also found surprising was that often the route of people’s anxiety was due to low self esteem . This blog will explain the often unknown but very strong link between low self esteem and anxiety as well as tools to help.
What is anxiety and why it is so common?
Humans have evolved with a fight and flight system designed to keep us safe. So if we feel threatened then our body will involuntarily produce physical sensations such as breathing more rapidly, heart beating faster, a knot in the stomach and tense muscules. In pre historic times this would have prepared us to fight or flee but for modern humans it just creates an anxiety vicious cycle.
This means we are all designed to experience anxiety and it would be odd if we didn’t feel anxious from time to time. For example, if we or a loved one were having an operation or the night before a job interview. But if your fight and flight system is overactive you’ll experience excessive symptoms of anxiety which can negatively impact on your life. For example:
- Worrying about future events with “what if thoughts”
- Having panic attacks
- Avoiding situations because they make you feel anxious
- Feeling of dread that something bad will happen
- Feeling on edge being unable to relax
There are many reasons why our fight and flight system is overactive. Sometimes people recall being an “anxious child” from a young age or it can be possible to learn anxiety from parents, such as phobias of certain things being inadvertedly passed down. If stressful events have built up (such as losing a job and relationship at the same time) your fight and flight can go into overdrive and need help settling down.
Experiencing significantly traumatic events in the past is also well known to increase a persons risk of ongoing anxiety and one of the biggest causes….low self esteem.
How can low self esteem cause anxiety?
Low self esteem means having a poor opinion of yourself so you might lack confidence in certain areas (when actually you are no worse than others) or generally having a sense of not being “good enough” or worthlesses as a person. You can read more about the definition and causes here.
A tell tale sign of someone with low self esteem is caring what people think and fearing rejection. If you feel good about yourself than other peoples opinions matter less and you will be less likely to assume people with reject you because you will believe you are worthy of being liked. However, its this concern with other people’s opinions and fear of rejection that can make many of us very prone to anxiety.
As you’ve read by now, human beings have powerful systems that are geared to help us survive by keeping us safe. But it wasn’t just sabre tooth tigers that we needed protection from. Our systems also ensured our social safety because being acceptance by our tribe ensured access to resources and shelter. So if we ruptered our relationship to others with our tribe we could be banished to fend for ourselves and not survive. Being accepted and approved of by others therefore gives us a feeling of safety and calm.
It also means that, if we don’t feel great about ourselves in the first place, the part of the brain concerned with what other people think will be particularly active. As its designed to protect us, it will make you jump to conclusions and assume the worse about what people are thinking. These thoughts cause the body to trigger its fight and flight system because it doesn’t feel safe, which in turn create more anxiety based thoughts and behaviour.
Signs that low self esteem is causing anxiety
- Overthinking social interactions and worrying if you’ve offended people
- Worrying what people think and assuming others are judging you
- Struggling to make friends because you think people wiill reject you
- People pleasing because the thought of letting others down makes you feel anxious.
- Experiencing high levels of work stress due to fear of making mistakes
- Not trying new things due to fear of getting it wrong front of others.
How to improve self esteem and reduce anxiety
Recognising that low self esteem is at the route of anxiety is the most important first step. However, it can take time to improve self esteem and reduce anxiety but here are some suggestions below.
Challenge your thoughts
The basis for peoples anxiety when caused by low self esteem is often what we assume is going on in the minds of other people. For example, we assume people are judging us or that they will reject us unless we do certain things. We rarely have evidence for those beliefs and its just our anxious brain trying to protect us. Start to record when you feel anxious in relation to certain events and what assumptions you are making.
Cultivate Self Compassion
If you struggle with anxiety and low self esteem its likely you are very self critical. You might harsh on yourself for not “getting things right” or judge yourself for struggling in the first place. Being self critical is another way in which our brains are trying to protect us but it just erodes self esteem further and make us more anxious. It can feel unfamilar to be kinder to yourself but like any skill it gets easier with practice. Recognising that you are being harsh on yourself and then asking what you would say to a friend is an easy way of remembering. You can read more about cultivating self compassion here.
Learn mindfulness
Mindfulness means increasing your awareness of thoughts and feelings so that you can take a step back from them and respond differently. It can be really helpful in managing anxiety as well as self esteem. You can read more about getting started with mindfulness to improve self esteem here.
Expand your comfort zone
If you lack confidence and feel anxious then its likely you hold yourself back from trying new things and meeting new people. However, the more we avoid things the smaller our comfort zone gets. This increases anxiety in the long term and also makes us more self critical. Using your new mindfulness and self compassion skills, take small steps towards new goals such as going to an evening class to make new friends or working towards a promotion. You’ll be gaining new evidence that it is safe to expand your comfort zone but also increasing your self esteem.
Work with therapist
Although there are lots of tools you can try to increase self esteem and reduce anxiety it can still be best to access therapy, particularly if you have experienced traumatic events in the past. If you are interested in my specialist therapy services for anxiety and low self esteem contact me.
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Thanks for reading my blog. My name is Rebecca Stambridge and I’m a qualified therapist and mindfulness teacher specialising in low self esteem. I love helping others feel better about themselves, and reduce anxiety and stress due to caring what others think, because I know first hand what its like. I have used tools such as mindfulness, self compassion and CBT to increase my own self esteem and am passionate about sharing them with others.