What is Low Self Esteem?
Low self esteem means not having a very high opinion of yourself. It can mean lacking in confidence in certain areas such as personal qualities, skills, attractiveness but also includes whether a person feels loveable, worthy and good enough. This article will explain the causes of low self esteem as well as signs your self esteem is low.
What are the signs of low self esteem?
Low self esteem can affect people in different ways. For example, it can mean they lack confidence in their skills to go for certain jobs or they may feel confident in those areas but feel they have to be good at things to feel loveable.
However, some common signs include:
- Being self critical and putting yourself down.
- Putting Pressure on yourself to do everything correctly (perfectionism)
- Comparing yourself to others and thinking you are not good enough
- Always worrying what people think of you and seeking approval
- Assuming people are judging you or have an bad opinion of you.
- Struggling in relationships because you do not feel secure.
- Feeling unable to say no to others for fear of letting poeple down
- Finding it hard to tune into and prioritise your needs
What Causes Low Self Esteem
Often there is usually an environmental explanation, such as the type of parenting a person experienced. For example:
- Critical Parents: If a child has grown up with parents that put them down and found fault with everything then its understandable that this is how a person will then feel about themselves. Phrases such as “you’re useless” “etc tend to stick with people
- Demanding parents: Some parents mean well but put pressure on their children to do well. For example they may praise their children for winning awards or getting As and seem disapointed if they do not as well. A child well interpret this to mean that they are only loveble in certian circumstances
- Addicted or unwell parents. If children have been brought up in households where one or more parent is addicted to substances or perhaps unwell then their emotional and/or physical needs may not be met. This can create a belief that their needs to not matter which affects self esteem. A person will grow up therefore prioritising the needs of those around them and feeling guilty about theirs.
- Abuse or traumatic parenting. If a child has experienced any kind of abuse then this will impact on a person ability to feel safe and loved by others. Often, as a coping mechanism, this will result in a person blaming themselves for this lack of love of abusive experiences. Adults who have had traumatic or abusive childhoods often experience alot of shame as adults.
Other factors:
- Bullying at school can impact on a persons confidence and self esteem.
- Being compared to siblings
- Loss of adult relationship
- Traumatic experience as an adult (such as being attacked or in an accident etc) can create a crisis of confidence in a person resulting in loss of self esteem.
How can I raise my self esteem?
A person usually needs to have therapy for low self esteem, particularly if due to stressful chidldhood experiences, but if the symptoms are not complex it can be possible to use self help tools.
Techniques that a therapist might use but also a person can try themselves include:
- Cognitive Behaviourial Techniques to challenge unhelpful thinking and assumptions
- Compassion Therapy which includes specific meditations and practices to activate and reinforce a kind and accepting response to themselves
- Assertive skills to help people put in bounderies with others
- Mindfulness to give space to unhelpful thoughts and feelings
How can I access therapy for low self esteem?
If you would like assistance to improve your self esteem then I offer specialist therapy which incorporates the above techniqes. You can visit my main page to find out more about this or contact me to arrange a free consultation.
